New Blog

Here's the link to my new blog:

http://somethingsnext.blogspot.com

or you can check out my profile and find "White Blank Page" under my blogs.

Sianara!

10 Things I Learned in Baltimore

1. Self understanding and knowledge. Could have happened anywhere else, but still appreciated.

2. What poverty and hate really look like. Both sad and scary things.

3. What independence tastes like.

4. And that community living is easier said than done.

5. Living on $50 a month is very difficult.

6. How hard working full time is.

7. But with that, how to be teachable and responsible.

8. How God works without me knowing or noticing. God is much more real than I knew.

9. That admitting to hard situations is freeing. It still sucks but allowing myself to be cynical is important.

10. Rats need a place to live, too.

Wow Baltimore. Thanks for the memories, but it's past time to be gone. I'll take what I've learned and try practicing them in my daily living while in Ohio again. Oh, Ohio. We'll see how this goes.

So ends the barf sandwich chapter of my life. Now begins another. I'll be starting a new blog, and add a post with the new link. To all the fans of my large international audience, I hope you've enjoyed yourselves this year.

Affirmation

This should happen every morning. Enjoy!

Slowly Making It To The End

Time crawls like a sloth. I'm waiting to finish, feeling so unsettled.
The future is unclear, but the present is muddled.

Unintentional rhyming is happening. Change can be good, I know that's true. But being in the middle of something that should be over, is too difficult for me to take head on. I need to leave. All the new people are here, starting work soon and taking over my space. I feel invaded and displaced. I only have 1.5 weeks left in this place, but it's 1.5 weeks too long. Even the littlest things are stressing me out-not having plans made each day until I leave. I want to keep myself busy and occupied. It's unhealthy, but at least I'm aware, right?

I'll make it through. 1.5 weeks isn't that long. But still, long enough.

I'm being so melodramatic.

Theme Song Of My Year.

In A Month

In a month I will be doing the following:

Laying in my new double-sized bed watching Netflix on my laptop.

Drinking out of my new coffee/tea stein.

Training my parents puppy to ring a bell to be let outside (we'll see how that goes).

Traveling to see friends in neighboring states.

RELAXING.

And then of course, updating my resume and searching for jobs. If anyone has any leads, let me know!



Life will be so different in a month. I can't wait.

Lies Don't Need An Aeroplane.

So I know when music lyrics are posted for anything, I’m quick to skim or ignore them. It’s much easier to sing along to a song than to make up the tune in your head when you’re not even sure of how it goes. That’s my personal thought on the matter, so good things this is my blog. If you agree with this statement, I promise you, these lyrics are worth the effort. Maybe I’ll post a youtube video later for those of you like me. Or, maybe not.

Weight of Lies

Disappear from you hometown
Go and find the people that you know
Show them all you good parts
Leave town when bad ones start to show
Go and wed a woman
A pretty girl that you’ve never met
Make sure she knows you love her well
But don’t make any other promises


The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town
Cause nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there
So when you run make sure you run
To something and not away from
Cause lies don’t need an aeroplane to chase you anywhere

I once heard the worse thing
A man could do is draw a hungry crowd
Tell everyone his name, pride, and confidence
But leaving out his doubt
I’m not sure I bought those words
When I was young I knew most everything
These words have never met so much to anyone
As they now mean to me

The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town
Cause nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there
So when you run make sure you run
To something and not away from
Cause lies don’t need an aeroplane to chase you down

This poignant song by the Avett Brothers, is something that helps to express my experience thus far as a volunteer living in community. I relate to these words in a different way, in that being with people in such a concentrated way can bring about beautiful change, but can also convey the worst in you. Turning away and running from the ugly and unwanted side of a person or yourself builds walls that become barriers and aren’t easily torn down. This doesn’t allow for authentic relationships to be built. So, I guess what I’m saying is, maybe I wish I would have tried harder this year. But then again, maybe I did as best I could.

Just some simmering thoughts I’m having.

Thumbs Down

To go along with my previous post, I realized upon waking this morning that the rest of my time here is going to be one prolonged goodbye.

That sucks!

5 More Weeks

With 5 weeks left of Baltimore time, and recently returning from a vacation in Ohio (that’s right-Ohio) where friends and family members abound, I am pretty read y to be done here. But alas, 5 more weeks wait to be completed before that can happen. Now I’m very much thinking about my next steps and adventures. A few opportunities have arisen, but definitely nothing concrete. However, this does bring me some comfort knowing that others are looking out and want to help me readjust to life after volunteering. There’s still a lot to do that I’ve put off, but I’ll get around to it.

Still, there are 5 more weeks.

Home

I am home.

I am sitting in my living room, watching Good Will Hunting on Netflix, still getting over the surprise that my parents actually got a dog they are allowing in the house and overjoyed at the fact that I get to spend time with so many friends this week.

Aah, this is the life.

The Happiness July Brings

Dear World,

Thank you for making the month of July in Baltimore SO fantastic thus far. I've thoroughly enjoyed every moment. Really, this whole summer has been a constant continuation of bliss, one form right after the other. A quick recap is in order, for those who are curious and for me to process all the fun times I've been enjoying.

Now, where to start? The end of June brought in a swell of adventure with a weekend bus trip to the Big Apple. Exploring the city, staying with fellow Menno volunteers and walking miles upon miles made the time feel short but satisfactory (especially after my feet swelled to sizes bigger than my shoes).

Then July happened.

It's been a whirlwind of fun events, listed below in chronological order:

House-sitting for a good part of a month
First Thursdays free concert in Mt. Vernon Park
Pirate Cruise
Independence Day in Washington D.C.
Being a part of multiple sessions of affirmation and appreciation
Cookout hosted at the House Sitting House, complete with a Little Debbie birthday cake
Consuming Rosemary Garlic Fries
Sailing in the Chesapeake Bay off of St. Michaels, MD
Camping at Assateague State Park with wild ponies
Visiting Ocean City, MD for a bit during a downpour
Watching the World Cup Final and more free concerts in Patterson Park
Harry Potter movie marathon

And more is yet to come!

Mates of State concert?
A visit home to O-H-I-O
Two of my best friend's wedding (to each other)
More house sitting

July, I love you. Stay classy.

My New Hero:

Axe Cop

Hot Dogs, Fireflies, & Highlights

Summer.

This season brings relief and joy. My cares fly out the window along with some sense of responsibility. I feel like a kid again, young and free. Not sitting in an office, or in my hot, stuffy room. I don’t worry about what’s next because it will come when it’s ready. I just want to enjoy this time and have FUN! To spend time with people here, do loads of exciting things and eat as many grilled hot dogs as possible for the next few months is all that’s on my mind.

Some ways to accomplish these goals are to continue “Spring Training.” With a light-up Frisbee on hand, getting ready for some serious games of summer toss means congregating to our back yard and going over the following rules.

1. Always be prepared.
2. Use both hands if the Frisbee is coming at your face.
3. Dive!
4. Don’t talk about Fight Club.

With the exception of Rule #4, I think we’ve really got something here. Along with Frisbee, there’s volleyball, which I might add I excelled at this past weekend during a pick up game. And when I say excelled I mean the exact opposite. But no worries, it was a mighty enjoyable time for all.

I’ve also begun a not-so-strict-but-still-pretty-important-walking-around-the-lake-at-Druid-Park-everyday-after-work-and-sometimes-on-Sundays regimen. That’s being followed pretty accurately. The best part of the walk is when it’s getting to be dusk and the fireflies come out and light up the ground surrounding the water. Round 2 happens in our backyard, when they appear as a form of a night light upon return to the house. What beautiful creatures.

Another great summer activity is the lightening of hair due to sun exposure. Or for those impatient or adventurous types, dye from a box. Unfortunately for me, my first attempt at creating new “blond” hair ended up to being more of a secret, not easily seen by those unaware of the change. Fortunately, I felt really inspired and tried again, this time being more strategic about placement and adding a few streaks on the top of my head. My only hope is that this didn’t screw up my chances to some day donate these locks of mine for love. We'll see.

Let's Play Dress Up

You know when an unexpected surge of inspiration and motivation hit you? This is what I do with mine. 2 blogs in one day, I'm on a roll!

After that last, heavier blog, I thought I'd share a little about how summer has been progressing for me. Even thought the Summer Equinox has yet to arrive, the fireflies are out, humidity is at it's highest along with the temperature, swimming is a top priority and ice cream/snow balls/anything cold is much appreciated. Summer is here in my book.

Festivals and fun events are popping up everywhere and the joy of sunshine and breezes are making my days bearable against the heat wave that never seems to leave, even if it pours. Despite the ever increasing thermometer, dressing up in costumes and gallivanting the streets has been a thrill for the past while. I want to share some pictures of what's been happening recently. Again, I will take suggestions of any new dress up ideas that anyone has, thank you. Also a reminder to those faithful patrons of my blog, some of these fabulous photos can be viewed on my other blog found here.

Here goes:

80s Dance Party, back from February, but still a great time! Aerobic Instructor.

Preakness Party at my BFF Anita's. Classy middle-aged woman.

'Tea Party' themed going away party for fellow DC volunteer. Mock Sarah Palin and pre-birth daughter Bristol.

In most recent dress up endeavors, HonFest. Leopard print, pink flamingos, bee hive hair dos', blue eye shadow, hot pink boas and the kitschiest weekend around!

Motto: "The higher the hair, the closer to God."

Have a great day, Hon.

Continuous Flow

These past 10 months or so have been part of a really great learning year. I've had a lot of new experiences. Seen a lot of different things that are such an intricate part of this world. I don't know if I'd be the best at verbally explaining everything I feel about this place I've called home since September, but as I've come to understand myself better, I know that it's ok. I will try my best in this blog to make sense to my audience. I'm not even sure who you are, but enjoy!

I've been faced with poverty every day. It's so blatantly screaming in my face whenever I walk out the door. If I go to work, or to a fun event, or driving down the street. It's everywhere. There are so many connecting factors as to why this is a huge issue such as illiteracy and systemic family violence, that it sometimes seems so hopeless. Being able to see it and live with it has been a way for me to really know what poverty is. Just reading about it in books is not enough.

This is something I will take with me for the rest of my life I think. But memories fade and life changes, making the past a blur. I don't want to move on from here to a place where none of this will seem real anymore, and just a figment of my imagination. I want to enjoy life and try new things until I'm ready to settle somewhere, but where I'll go I don't know. If anyone has suggestions please feel free to send them my way.

As much as I've soaked in while in Baltimore, I'm still learning. I'm still figuring out who I am and how to express myself. I think it's so important to have freedom to share your emotions, feelings and thoughts with the world and know that you're safe doing it. If you don't you're cheating yourself and others from knowing who you really are. While spending my time at work with the GED class I was able to share these thoughts with the women, and most of them were so impressed by what I had to say. I hadn't prepared anything beforehand (which is something I usually do), so I wasn't sure what would come out. Being able to inspire them with my words was a beautiful moment, since they inspire me every time I'm with them. I want to remember what we talked about and never forget it. I want to go from here and know that even if the future is unclear, I can still love life and keep learning. I also want to encourage everyone I meet to find a way they are comfortable speaking their truth.

This is what I want in life and I will be happy.

Some Really Great Things

I know what you’re all thinking, “finally, the much needed update is here!”

Well, I can’t promise you’ll get every detail, just more of a broad overview of what’s happening in life for the past month.

May: a time of adventures and travels.

Preakness Party at my BFF Anita’s house was the beginning of a series of very fortunate events. Part of the Triple Crown horse races, guest pooled their money, getting assigned a horse number and hoping for a win. Black-eyed susans were adorned by all who attended, and after a few minutes mixed with eagerness and anxiety, my lovely housemate Beth won a share of the pot. Getting served dessert on a platter, dressed in the genre of middle-aged woman and man, Athos, Porthos and Aramis joined together for a celebrated weekend.

Visit to the city of Philadelphia for a Mumford & Sons concert, whose crowd turned out unexpectedly filled with college bros and yuppy girls who took pictures the whole time. Still a very enjoyable experience. Except when we bumped into our Arabic coffee shop owner “friend” after the show who had previously forced us to stay in his shop, take pictures with him, and write a review on google.com right in front of him. A pretty uncomfortable time.

MVS Retreat in Divide, CO at Rocky Mountain Mennonite Camp was beautiful! While traveling across the country with our DC counter-part, for the next few days I met and reconnected with some fellow volunteers around the country, relaxed because it was hard to catch my breath due to acclimation of altitude (0 to 9,000+ feet in 5 hours), did a little contra dancing and hiked a mountain. No big deal.

Memorial Day weekend for me meant visitors from the Midwest! Mom, Carla and really great friend Danielle all came to visit for the long weekend. After hopping in the car at 6 am, they all arrived safely at 4 in the afternoon ready to paint the town red after a quick rest. Taking them on a driving tour of the city, trying the famous crab cake, picking up some “souvenirs” at the Book Thing, visiting the touristy spots of Baltimore gave them a good taste of the city. We made a special 2.5 hours trip around DC to see some of the important sights of our Nation’s capital. While getting stuck on the opposite side of the road from a street vendor who’s Polish Sausage we were craving by a gang of bikers called “Rolling Thunder,” we celebrated Memorial Day weekend. Stopping at IKEA on the way back made for a number of first for Danielle.

Once the family and friend were gone and headed west, I relaxed the rest of the week at a HSH (stands for House-Sitting House), were AC, movies and a hot tub were available. Last night was the end of that “week away” from my regular house, sad to say. But, life goes on.

Good news, I’m getting a new bed for the next few months I’ll be here! A frame and possibly mattress/box spring. I’m hoping I’m motivated later to assemble the whole thing since the temperature this week is only supposed to be in the 70s. That means my new walking-around-the-park-after-work regimen will be off to a good start.

Here’s to more adventures in the months to come! I love toasting.

Mumford & Sons - The Cave

I GET TO SEE THEM NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!!

May Happenings!

May is off to a great start. Many retreats happening and visitors coming and events going on! However, the heat has started to rise and it's just not a good time had by all, except that I did switch rooms. Meaning I've taken over the guestroom with the help of Beth (which is much cooler than both our rooms combined) for the rest of the summer. But don't let that stop you from coming to visit!

A really great start to this month was a Unit Weekend Retreat to Palmerton/bizarr-o Jim Thorpe, PA. Both nestled in the Poconos. We stayed in a big, beautiful cabin on the top of a huge hill with a beautiful view of nature in every direction. A wonderful time to sit back, relax and just enjoy doing nothing. Not something that happens every day.

Today was the first of hopefully many bike rides around the city/neighboring hoods. Except I didn't use my new bike because I need to patch the front tire. But, that doesn't matter. I had a great time and forgot how much fun bikes can be!

Now it's time for Blindside, the movie with a happy Baltimore ending. I need to give it my full attention.

Thoughts

Some thoughts I've been having recently include, but are not limited to:

How much I love cupcakes. Patching my new/old bike's tire all by myself at a new-found Co-op called Velocipede. Regularly cleaning the bathroom is really important. Yoga is a great way to relax, but I still prefer Zumba as a form of exercise. I have too many books waiting to be read. Along with that, various art projects have been started but aren't near completion due lack of motivation or time to finish. I would love to live in an urban setting again once I'm ready to settled down and get a "real" job. I probably won't make a ton of money in my life time and I wish I were ok with that. My hair isn't growing fast enough. I internalize a lot of things, and I really like my introverted ways. I have discovered, changed and learned so much about myself in the first 6 months of being a year-long volunteer than I did in 4 years of college. Life after Baltimore - meaning anything - will be so much easier. I don't think I'm exaggerating this statement.

These thoughts in my head make me really happy.

Lighten Up

It's been quite a while since a real post. I don't know how much motivation I have right now to make this great, since hunger and anticipation for dinner, while also having just watched Tuesday night's episode of LOST on hulu.com, I am distracted. Ugh! LOST is a whirlwind of emotions!!! Hmm..I'm glad I got that out. I guess.

So, to get back on track: life. Life is happening right now. As we speak, or better yet as I type. It's not tomorrow or the next day or yesterday or the day before. It's today, it's now. I've been really struggling with staying present in the moment. I keep fast-forwarding to September, when I'm technically done here in Baltimore. When the newbie volunteers come along and everyone's moving on to the next step in life. When I can get a break from being over-worked and pulled in so many different directions. When I can finally it can finally be "today" again.

And then I heard some wise words from Connie the GED instructor who I help at Project PLASE. As I was explaining to her what else I do (which I didn't even completely explain because I never remember all the positions I seem to hold off the top of my head), and adding in the insecurities of when I first started because I didn't know what I was doing since I have no previous work experience. Unless you count sitting behind a counter reading a book at my campus bookstore or taking orders in the Driv-Thru lane at McDonald's, I sure don't however. Up until recently I've thought I'm not cut out for a job like this because I don't really know what I'm doing and don't have any formal training. And after hearing from one of the counselors that I would make a great Social Worker and several others that I'm teachable and how the learning curve always goes up the longer you stay at one place, has made me see on-the-job training as a much more valuable way of getting the skills that are necessary.

Well, after that lengthy explanation of where I currently am with work, and getting back to the words of wisdom you're all patiently waiting for from the one and only Ms. Connie Moore: "You are being too hard on yourself." Yes, these are beautiful words to hear. This sentence was freeing for me and made helped me relax about life.

Life is only as big of a deal as you make.

Well, there was more motivation than I expected that came out of these fingers to type away into the night and finish this blog entry. I hope you enjoy and remember:

Wherever you go, there you are.